I used to have such high expectations for my New Years Eves – stressing out over where I would go, what I would wear, who I was going to kiss at midnight and whether I would have the time of my life.  Yet looking back after each night, it was never quite what I had hoped for.

This year, the build up to the event was minimal.  I just didn’t care – as long as I was with my friends, I’d be happy.  New Years Eve is turning into birthday celebrations – the older you get, the less of a big deal it is.  WT had taken this to heart and chosen to spend the night with her family.

I was ready for a night of zero expectations and good, clean fun.  Wait… perhaps not all clean…

10:00.  After a quick and casual dinner with one group of friends, I embarked for Gastown to meet up with The Blonde and others at a Jazz themed party.  I was the first of my friends to arrive at the venue and immediately ordered myself a cocktail and parked my behind at the bar.  I caught another lone guest’s eye… he had the kind of crinkly eyes that illustrate a long life of smiling. I couldn’t help but smile back.  It was when he kept looking that I had to break the gaze. Yikes. Intense.

10:15.  Luckily, my friends entered at that moment and I was saved from any potentially awkward advances that I couldn’t escape from.  The Blonde and I milled around the room and debated our options.  Clearly, this wasn’t a party we wanted to stay at all night.   Lots of couples surrounded us and some of the few single men were wearing sunglasses on their heads or really shiny shirts.  I’m not lying. One man in particular had on a shirt that glimmered like an ore deposit.  Suffice it to say, we didn’t want midnight kisses from any of them.  Ok… yes… I was back on that train. I wanted a midnight kiss. The kind that made my knees weak.

11:00.  We had an hour to set out a plan.  Stage one: Initiate contact with a friend who had invited us out earlier.  He was sure to be with other handsome, single friends, all available for midnight kisses.  Andrew was at a bar within walking distance and we could avoid the horror of searching for one of those mythical New Year’s Eve taxis.  Perfect.  Stage two: Stare at the countdown clock willing it to move faster.  It’s amazing how much slower it ticks and tocks when you can’t take your eyes off of it.

11:04. Willing to make the most of our remaining hour, both in the bar and of 2010, we joined our friends and mingled with the masses.  Men were staring at us like vultures and a few daring ones made the approach.  Obviously I wasn’t the only one who wanted that bewitching midnight kiss.

11:30.  The line up to the coed washrooms snaked into the bar and people seemed to be exiting each stall in groups after an eternity spent locked inside doing god knows what.  At least this would cut some time into our countdown.

11:45.  The countdown was killing me.  As was the sax player accompanying the DJ.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t – in this case, it was definitely the latter – his whole tune was off.  Usher is just not meant to have sax mixed in.  Regardless, we couldn’t help but dance.

As we lost our inhibitions in the crowd, someone came up behind me and twirled me around.  He resembled the kind of guy you would run into working the line at a rave in 1999, and looked at me like he had just found a long lost friend… yet I had no idea who he was.  He insisted that he had met me before years ago… a little creepy but I played along.  After making me write down his name and promise that I would add him on Facebook (I find this modern mating ritual weird in itself), he disappeared into the shadows.  But not before I caught a glimpse of his tongue piercing and briefly contemplated kissing that at midnight.  Hmmm… Given his appearance and sketchy demeanor, I may need a tetanus shot after. Best to avoid.

11:54. We all found ourselves at the bar for one last drink before the balloon drop, and just as I was about to cheers my friends, Crinkly Eyes made another appearance.  There he and his eyes were – glinting at me.  I knew exactly what he was doing.  With just 6 minutes to spare, he was positioning himself.  One of my friends was quick to catch on and firmly stated that the only person I was allowed to kiss at midnight was her.  Problem solved.  Although… this tactic may prompt him to stay and witness a pseudo lesbian kiss.

12:00. Balloons dropped.  I kissed my friends.  Hugs were squeezed.  Happy New Year!

12:02. Coat check.

12:04. Out the door and into the crisp night.  Ready for phase two of the evening.

12:20. We arrived at our next Gastown destination and Andrew immediately ushered us to the waiting table.  My sights set on Nathan, a cheeky man I had met a couple of times and had flirtatious rapport with.  He scooped me into a hug, dipped me and kissed me.  Or was it vice versa?  Perhaps I kissed him (I certainly wanted to).  The details are foggy.  I was just excited for the opportunity to kiss an attractive someone of the opposite sex.

Champagne was poured and we settled in.  Andrew, also rather cheeky, suddenly appeared all bent out of shape over something.  Being the girl I am, I called him on it and pointed out his flaring nostrils.  Perhaps it was the mounting sexual tension between us or the champagne consumption, or maybe it was just the magic of NYE; whatever it was, he gave me a look like he was going to eat me for dinner, grabbed my head between his hands, pushed his knee aggressively between my legs and kissed me. It was one of those kisses where you’re dizzy upon stopping.  Oh dear. Here was that weak in the knees kiss from a handsome man I was looking for.  That man can kiss…

As I came to, I caught the eyes of another familiar cheeky fellow, Adrian.  Yes, I do enjoy surrounding myself with the mischievous ones – it really does make for entertaining evenings and it keeps me on my toes.  He looked heartbroken having just walked into me being somewhat ravaged.  Regardless, he sat next to me and asked how my night had been thus far.  I told him about the less than amazing party and how there had been no one to kiss there.  Which he took as his cue to pull me to his lips for a brief, yet delicious smooch. My after midnight kisses were stacking up, and I thought I could do without. Silly.

1:13. Nathan joined The Blonde and I at the table and dropped the bomb.  He told me that I exude sex – in even the most inappropriate settings, when sex is farthest from anyone’s mind.  Could this be a problem or a treasure?  Is this why all kinds of men come up to me without any hesitation (or invitation)?  Is it why these 3 rascals had all kissed me?  Seemingly, it was something I couldn’t just turn off and on. Which is why I grabbed Nathan’s tie and drew him in for another quick snog.  Minx.

1:36.  The Blonde called it a night and I was left with Nathan and Andrew.  We changed venues and I strolled in with one arm through each of theirs.  The neighbouring bar was a meat market.  Plain and simple.  Despite the fact that I was blatantly in the company of two men, I had others brazenly approach me – including Crinkly Eyes, who had popped up from out of nowhere still looking for that kiss.  For the rest of the night, Nathan and Andrew played bodyguard and batted off the offenders to the best of their abilities.

Ladies and gentlemen, friends and lovers, how do you control sex appeal?

My Lessons from a Bar Stool:

Lessons for the Ladies:

1. Despite how much you tell yourself you have no expectations for New Years Eve, deep down you will always crave that midnight kiss.

2. Platonic friends will always become non-platonic at some point. There is no getting around this. Let it run its course.

3. Why kiss just one man on New Years Eve when you could get away with kissing three?  One of the few nights where this is somewhat acceptable.

4. Sex appeal can’t be turned off. If you have it, you have it.  Embrace it and learn to use it to your advantage.

Lessons for the Men:

1. One of the worst pick up strategies is to ask a girl if you can add her on Facebook.  It’s a cop out. Grow a pair and ask her for her number.

2. If you and two of your friends kiss the same girl one after the other, it is like you are all kissing each other.  Just saying.

3. New Years Eve is an excuse to kiss that girl you’ve got an eye on.  Shock and awe is an excellent tactic.

4. Women find cheeky and mischievous men intriguing.  We never know what you’re going to do next.

-SA

If you enjoyed this Tale, you may also enjoy All Hallows Eve.

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