After the events that unfolded the other night, I should be a relationship coach or sex therapist. Not to brag but I single-handedly re-ignited the sex lives of four married women.

I was out for a “quiet” dinner in Gastown with four of my favourite married friends. I find that most of my friends are in some sort of relationship, and it’s insightful to discover the inner workings of their lives. Having never been in a “serious” relationship it’s like I’m peering through the looking glass to Wonderland, or to Beetlejuice’s dream world, depending on which way you look at it. I suppose it’s always different when you’re an outsider looking in. If I were in their situations, I may just find myself in the same routine. Perhaps this is one reason why I’m not over the moon about getting married – I don’t want to end up in a routine. I need constant change, excitement and spontaneity. If I can find that in a relationship, in a partner, I’m all for it. By all means, put a ring on it.

As appetizer plates were cleared away, I decided to add some spice into my evening by texting a saucy message to a “friend”. When I received the response, I couldn’t help but let a smile spread across my face. My face really doesn’t hide anything. Ever. It’s like an open book.

V, across the table, called me on it and demanded to know what was going on. I sheepishly filled them in on my text without revealing what the response had been. The girls were somewhat shocked and enthralled by my boldness, and I was surprised that most of them had never initiated this kind of texting with their husbands. Isn’t it important to keep a marriage spicy?

I prompted all the girls to send the same sexy message I had sent. Responses came in quickly – two husbands replied with the exact same flirtatious response (some men do think alike), one thought his wife’s phone had been hijacked, and the other changed the subject. Not to be discouraged, the girls persevered and continued the texts until their husbands started to play along. The tables around us were straining to hear our conversation; there was one man in particular out with his family who couldn’t take his eyes and ears off of our table. Voices were subsequently lowered to a more respectable level.

One of the conversations grew so heated that the husband actually dropped by the restaurant on his way home for a quick rendezvous in the washroom before continuing on his way. I felt like a proud parent who’s child aced an exam. My pupil even received a glass of wine from our server in congratulations.

The next morning, I received messages from each of the girls thanking me for putting that much needed spark back into their marriages. What I thought was a standard part to a relationship – ie. flirting – is something that’s often overlooked.

Does Dr. Ruth need a successor?

My Lessons from a Bar Stool:

Lessons for the Ladies:

1. Don’t be afraid to take the initiative by sending a flirtatious text to someone. Get the ball rolling.

2. Marriages take work – keep the spark alive by initiating sexy times.

3. Keep your significant other guessing by surprising him. Look back at the start of your relationship and use those same tactics of seduction.

Lessons for the Men:

1. Sexting doesn’t always have to lead to an actual deed, but it does get the juices flowing.

2. If you’re partner is in the mood, don’t delay and act on it.

3. Washroom shenanigans are hot. Women are just as capable of using men for sex as the other way around.

-SA

If you enjoyed this Tale, you’ll also enjoy Reality Checks.

Image from here.

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